A Turkey Day Poem for Universal Cargo’s Annual Turkey Blog

Every year about this time

What I must do might be a crime

It is not nasty giblets untucking

Or even a bout of feather plucking

But one who looks quite likely gags

‘Tis good this day readership lags

For who would give to this a view

If I could, I’d avoid it too

But there’s an email from my boss

Whom I’d rather not make cross

And while he ends it with a smiley

His short sentence is quite wily

“Can’t wait for my Turkey blog =)”

Translation: Write, you lazy dog

Yes, that’s the font of Raymond whipping

Me to combine Turkey with shipping

Turkey the country or Turkey the bird?

Both, though that may sound absurd

It’s no prank despite your misgiving

I do this every single Thanksgiving

Endure Thanksgiving torture, wonder how I can?

I have practice as a Detroit Lions fan

So these posts are now my annual norm

Though each year’s blog may change in form

The last two years ’twas a Turkey quiz

Click and see if you’re a Turkey whiz

Those clearly beat straight Turkey facts

Which dominated Turkey blogs years past

Okay, that wasn’t a perfect rhyme

I’ll get it right in the next line

Though now you may want to abort

Before you read the word “export”

Too late, you read it, here we go

Machinery is Turkey’s top cargo

Now you know, despite comma splices,

Turkey’s top export ain’t Turkey spices

Yes, I know it makes no sense

Riding on this Turkey fence

Of talking poultry then a nation

Risking reader alienation

How did this tradition even start?

It started cuz I wasn’t smart

In picking days for the blog posting

And when I type this I’m not boasting

Tuesdays and Thursdays without fail

Okay, I missed a few—don’t email

I write a post for UC’s blog

Readers wait, I’m sure, agog

It must have been in dazed malaise

When I picked those two days

For I forgot that every year

Thanksgiving’s on Thursday, dear oh dear

I’d take it off, but that first year, see

I wasn’t thinking very clearly

Just to make my L.A. rent

I set an awful precedent

And wrote a blog, sure no one would read

(For a Turkey shipping blog there is no need)

But it somehow caught my boss’s eye

And became his favorite—I don’t know why

So now it’s a tradition like no other

That my family won’t read, not even my mother

Years later, the first Turkey blog is lost

But each year, my holiday, it does accost

My family begs me, “Let the Turkey blog die

“Tell Ray you’re done in an email reply”

They beg cuz I made them take the Turkey blog quiz

Er, I mean, cuz they want to spend time with me, that is

But now it turns out I’m not so sore

As I have been on Thanksgiving the years before

At the completion of this chore

Why does my spirit now suddenly soar?

Because I’m completing the Turkey blog the night before

From all of us here at Universal Cargo, have a Happy Turkey Day!